


Complicated

by inkbender



Category: Soul Eater Not!
Genre: Clay is so awkward it's painful, Clay's love pentagon deserves its own story, Gen, Love Triangles, Relationship Advice, poor Harudori, references to an Akane/Clay smut I haven't written yet, untouchables
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 05:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8191589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkbender/pseuds/inkbender
Summary: Harudori goes to Clay for relationship advice. Poor girl never stood a chance.(A doomed conversation dedicated to Clay's brilliant diagram.)





	

“It is a well-known and indisputable fact that men like big boobs. Simple as that!”

“Oh.” Harudori's gaze drops away from his detailed diagram as her expression crumples. “I guess that’s true.”

“U-U-Uh but not always!” Crap! Who knew teenage girls could be crushed by a single sentence? Where’s Akane when Clay needs him? He’d know just the right thing to say to dispel this mounting awkwardness. But the fact of the matter is that Harudori approached him after class in the first place to ask about Akane’s love life. Bah, love! Clay needs no love, he needs only… um, well… SUBJECT CHANGE! Say something that will make Harudori’s day! Anything! “In reality, I actually prefer flat chests!”

Harudori does not respond in any of the ways Clay had hoped. “ _Ehhhhh?_ ”

Explain! Logic your way through this! “Okay, so I might have said most men like big boobs… b-b-but what I really meant is _many_. Though _many_ is probably a lot more like a small majority. Kinda like a large minority. So really just a few! A couple. Like two or three percent of guys.” Her cheeks are getting really red. It’d be a little cute if he wasn’t so nervous. A lightning bolt of an idea strikes him speechless for just a second before it springs unfettered from his lips. “Which is why I have a huge crush on you!”

The screech she unleashes on him momentarily blows out his eardrums. “Eep—ah—um— _You_? You have a crush on me?”

“Yeah, because of the…” His hands hover around his chest until he realizes that pantomiming the untouchables may not be such a good idea. “But it’s not just me, you’re like really popular, Harudori! A lot of people like you! Like, like _like_ you, like! Like Akane!”

Something akin to steam whistles out of Harudori’s crimson ears. “But I thought you said Akane liked Meme…”

Oh crap. He did just say that like thirty seconds ago. Quick, backtrack. “I lied! No, actually _Akane_ is the one who’s lying. Lying to Meme! He only _says_ he likes her. In secret, he says that to get closer and kill her!”

“Whaaaat?”

“Only because Meme tried to murder him first!”

“ _When?_ ”

“It was a dark and stormy night when an evil shadow interrupted me and Akane right as we were getting to the good p—UMMMM NEVER MIND. But lo and behold, I was in an unclothed and unprotected state; thus I was quickly disabled by her drunken master style. She fought like a wild zombie! A wild, sleepy zombie master!” He shivers. “Even now I shudder to think of her deathly giggle of doom… Oh, but you have nothing to worry about, Harudori. She likes you a lot. She’d never kick your balls up into the back of your throat when your hands are tied behind your back. Well, um. You don’t have balls. Eh, I mean, you’ve got balls, but not actually...” Harudori’s complexion is rapidly approaching that delicious hue of recently boiled lobsters, so Clay wisely refrains from pantomiming his own Sizemore untouchables. “Meme totally _likes_ you. Like, not _like_ like, but like pretty close.”

“She does always end up in my bed in the morning…”

“As close as she can get,” he nods wisely, “without actually being inside you.”

Something in Harudori’s brain combusts. She lurches to her feet while disturbingly black fumes billow from the exhaust vents hidden within her ears. “I. Ah. I need to gay. G-Go,” she stammers. She pitches towards the classroom exit, slams facefirst into the closed door, and mumbles incomprehensible apologies before letting herself out drunkenly.

When she’s gone, Clay lets his head thud lightly against Harudori’s abandoned notebook.

Why are girls so complicated?


End file.
